An opportunity for SNL to grow up
Racism is not a good look on you and I don't care if you think I'm "too sensitive"
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a huge fan of SNL and SNL’s “Weekend Update” with Michael Che and Colin Jost. I mean: cutting humor, wicked commentary, and two very handsome men? What’s not to like?
Except. On the December 16, 2023 show, SNL went too far. The “Christmas Joke Swap,” where Che and Jost give each other racist jokes to read for the first time during the live taping, has always been troublesome at best.
As I was watching the replay last night, I was tired, so I just couldn’t pin down why I was so very uncomfortable watching the nonsense unfold. I kept thinking that I was missing part of the joke. But, with my well-rested brain today, I know that I was outraged, disgusted, and left feeling very unsure what the joke actually was supposed to be.
I’m not going to repeat the jokes here, because frankly, it’s not worth my time or yours.
As if the jokes weren’t bad enough on their own, this year the writers brought in a fictional character, a Black woman activist named “Hattie Davis.” And that was the last straw for me.
Of course I know the character is portrayed by an actor and is not a real person. But should any of us be OK with using a stereotypical character to represent a very real, very vulnerable people group (Black women) and then forcing that character to react “appropriately” to racist jokes?
If SNL’s intent was to humiliate Che and Jost, then I guess congratulations are in order? Or something?
But when it comes to a Black woman, even a pretend one, she was humiliated, too. It was offensive to watch. Let’s be clear that just some of the synonyms for humiliate are: degrade, demean, denigrate and disgrace. And that is what I saw and will remember when I talk about this SNL episode in the future, which I will be doing.
Should any of us be OK with subjecting a vulnerable person, or even a stereotype of one, to a humiliating and racist situation? Especially when it’s on purpose?
Thankfully, at least there’s a lesson in this. A very wise friend of mine brought up this episode in the context of practicing how to speak up against racism in social situations, and I think it’s a brilliant example. Because it’s an everyday sort of situation, and those are the ones we White folks tend to face most often.
And this is the exact type of situation that pits me against what was, up until recently, one of my greatest weaknesses: being called “too sensitive.
I’ve been called too sensitive for as long as I remember, and that’s no exaggeration. I recall hearing this criticism from students, teachers, administrators and even school bus drivers when I was in kindergarten. If I’m being brutally honest - and why not at this point - my chin is quivering at the memory of being shamed for my honest emotional reactions and, what I can see looking back, was an absolutely beautiful sensitivity to my human condition and to my fellow humans.
So, just to get this out of my system, to every person who ever told me I was too sensitive, I say fuck all the way off. How dare you bully a child (or an adult!) for having real human emotions.
As for how to handle being in these situations (and the same goes for its sister so-called insult, “Can’t you take a joke?”), here’s what I can offer you as somebody who talks about boundaries (here) and emotions every day as part of my coaching work.
Decide whether or not you really care if somebody calls you too sensitive or accuses you of not being able to take a joke. Really, is it so bad when somebody tells the truth about you? And is this really an insult anyway? My life has completely changed since I’ve accepted that I am indeed very sensitive, and there are plenty of “jokes” that aren’t funny to me. I like myself this way!
Remind yourself why it’s so important to you not to let racist humor get by you without comment. As a White woman in the U.S., I’m acutely aware that I get to be in a lot of rooms where my Black, Brown and Indigenous friends aren’t welcome. I’m sure as hell not going to let anybody tear them down when I’m around, whether or not they are there to hear the harm. FYI: when I don’t speak up on behalf of my friends, a little piece of my soul dies and it harms me, too.
Practice simple scripts you can rely on when clever words fail you because your body will be flooded with stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. Here are three nearly all-purpose phrases I recommend. They work wonderfully used in this sequence, but each phrase works well on its own, too:
“This is not OK.” (Then make sure to pause to allow reactions and responses.)
“Tell me more about what you mean.” (Again, pause to hear responses)
“This is an old way of behaving and we need to know better now,” OR “You're working from outdated information and this is far more damaging than you know.” (Or, if you’re too disgusted and exhausted to be diplomatic at this point, you can always let fly with, “You’re such an asshole and you don’t even know how ignorant you sound.” Trust me, the delivery of this one is SO much better when you are cool and level-headed.)
If you don’t take anything else away from reading this, I do think the thing to remember is that it can be very liberating to decide you’re fine with being called sensitive or accept that you don’t want to participate in a demoralizing joke.
Also, SNL, grow up already. It’s almost 2024. The Christmas Joke Swap isn’t really all that funny anymore. Congratulations, you pushed the envelope too far. Racism isn’t funny anyway, and it’s not a particularly good look on you.
Well said, Kay. I hope you sent this to SNL. While I haven't yet seen last week's Update, the annual Joke Swap has become increasingly based only on cringeworthy racist tropes. If the writers are as good as I think they are, they can--and should--do better. I think they mistake the show's more progressive nature for an opportunity to be "ironically" racist, but racism is still racism.